


Old Ghosts

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Disturbing Imagery or Content, Drama, Episode: s06e19 Ninety Miles Away, F/M, M/M, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-14
Updated: 2006-11-14
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "I don't want to feel better...I don't want to feel anything."





	Old Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: I finally found use for an episode that I thought was utterly ridiculous. While I still do, I will use it to suit my needs.  


* * *

It still rained on Monday morning when Hogan opened her eyes. She lay there for a while, not moving a muscle, thinking of CJ. The weekend passed with no clues on her disappearance. She was out there somewhere and Hogan didn’t know if she would ever see her again. All those shows she watched on A & E, people disappearing and never being found. There were no clues, no information, no body…no closure. Josh stirred beside her, pulling her closer as they lay in the spoon position.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Hogan whispered. “I shouldn’t be taking you away from important things.”

“Look at me.”

Hogan turned around, focused on his drowsy brown eyes.

“CJ is one of my best friends and I am worried about her. And you…”

“What about me?”

“I never want to see you cry anything but tears of joy.”

He kissed her and Hogan wrapped her arms around him. They kissed for a long time, soft and passionate. Hogan moaned as she moved her body close to his. She could feel his reaction to having her so close.

“Oh Hogan, oh God.”

She undressed him, his tee shirt and boxers fell to the floor. Her lips moved down to taste as much of his skin as she could reach. Josh ran his fingers through her hair, sighing from how she made him feel. He had thought of this moment for so long…recently it controlled his thoughts. He pulled her back to him and they kissed again.

“I want you so much.” He whispered.

“I need you Josh.” Hogan took off her tee shirt.

The lovemaking was gentle, though neither expected it to be so. The situation was desperate and painful, but Josh moved slowly inside of her, whispering how she made him feel in her ear.

“You're so damn beautiful. I am in complete awe of you.”

“Don’t stop Josh.” She squealed. “Oh God.”

They rolled over and Hogan was on top. She rocked her hips, crying out as Josh thrust into her. She moved hard against him, groaning as the feelings overwhelmed her.

“Josh!”

She cried out his name and they climaxed together. Falling on him, the room fell silent except for their heavy breathing. Josh stroked her back, sharing one more kiss.

“I don’t know what to say.” Hogan said, falling onto the bed.

“You don’t have to talk.”

Josh turned and looked at her, caressing her face and stroking her hair.

“I have to go to work and you have to go to Philadelphia.”

“I'm taking the bullet train there this afternoon. I will be there in time for the Vice-President’s speech.”

Hogan nodded, getting out of bed and going to the shower. Josh was not sure how to take the change in her body language in the wake of their intimacy. He took a deep breath and followed her into the bathroom.

***

“Joel said it was OK. Is it?”

Mike Casper came into Nora’s office on Tuesday morning. She was finishing her security briefing with Kate Harper; she looked as if she hadn't slept in days. CJ McGarry had been missing for four days and the people who loved her most seemed to be losing hope of her safe return.

“You know Kate Harper, right?” Nora asked. “She’s National Security Advisor.”

“Good to see you again Agent Casper.” Kate shook his hand.

“Kate is going to sit in…you don’t mind do you?”

“No. We found Hector Diaz, Nora. At least we think we did.”

“Don’t leave me in suspense Mike.” Nora sipped her coffee. “I don’t have the strength.”

“The Hector Diaz who came closest to the composite was picked out of a photo array by Emily Carmichael’s coworker. If he is our guy, it seems he used to be a lower level henchman for Armando Silva.”

“Who?” Nora asked.

“Did you say Armando Silva?” Kate asked.

“You know him?”

“Big time drug dealer in the late 80s and early 90s. He was big into cocaine and most likely angel dust and ecstasy. It was like Miami Vice…a lot of action.”

“Weren't you an operative in the CIA?” Nora asked.

“I was in the CIA, yes. We were deep in the Miami drug game at one point. Panama, Colombia, Nicaragua; drugs, weapons, bombs, slaves…you name it. Silva was seriously big time. He even had three or four politicians…” Kate stopped talking suddenly and the room seemed smaller. Nora felt as if she could hardly breathe.

“What is it?” Agent Casper asked.

“In 1990 the DNC sent an exploratory group down to investigate and breakup the corruption in Miami and some of the surrounding districts. Leo McGarry was part of that group.”

“How come the FBI didn’t know that?” Nora asked.

“They might.” Mike replied. “I'm not running the McGarry investigation and it might not have raised any red flags. I shouldn’t comment.”

“These politicians were wrapped up tight in some deep shit.” Kate said. “Two of them, Congressman Dale Beecher and Congressman Ron Patrick, were arrested. Beecher rolled and started naming names. The dealers he told on were not nickel and dime. They were running drugs, guns, and prostitutes, and had strong South and Central America ties. The Miami Police investigation was going to impede on the CIA investigation we had been working on for over a year. There was a major gun and cocaine shipment coming into the port of Miami from Colombia. They got antsy and pulled the raid on Silva’s mansion; figuring they could bring him down on the Coke and guns he already had. During the raid, Silva’s wife Angeline was accidentally shot and killed.”

“Oh my God. You think Silva may blame Leo for that?” Nora asked.

“It doesn’t have to make sense for it to be so.” Kate replied. “Silva was going to get his revenge one way or another. Beecher was murdered in jail before he could testify in a big corruption trial that was supposed to bring major drug dealers down. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gave up Leo before they cut his throat…Beecher was a wimp.”

“Why now?” Mike asked. “This happened 17 years ago.”

“Silva was doing 12 years on a variety of drugs, weapons, and corruption charges. He had plenty of time to sit back and plan his revenge. He had friends on the outside.”

“This is insane.” Nora said. “I cannot believe I am hearing this.”

“Anything you want to tell me about a former big time drug dealer killing prominent politicians?”

“I don’t know anything about that. None of those four people were involved in the corruption case.”

Mike stood up; he definitely had plenty of phone calls to make. This case suddenly took a completely new shape and for the first time in a long time, the veteran agent feared he might be in over his head. He would have to talk to Leo and get his input on what happened in Miami seventeen years ago.

“I have to go; my day just got much harder.”

“Keep me informed Mike.”

“You bet. Thank you for your help Kate.”

Kate nodded as the weary agent left the Chief of Staff’s office.

“Kate, how dangerous is Armando Silva?”

“He is deadly. He has so many underworld connections and has always been a ghost. CJ is in very grave danger if Armando Silva has anything to do with her disappearance. I wish I could tell you something more hopeful.”

***

Nancy went to the residence to have dinner with her daughter’s Tuesday evening. The disappearance of Iris and Isabelle was easily solved, but not before they caused a lot of fear, worry, and heartache. The twins managed to sneak out and head to a friends’ house in Woodley Park for a party. The party was unsupervised, since the Secret Service was not prepared to call the host’s 17-year-old brother a chaperone. Especially when they found him and his friends smoking a bong and throwing back brews in his bedroom. They found the kids, 15 in all, hanging out in the basement. 

No drugs or alcohol was found on any of them. Most were eating pizza, drinking soda, and playing video games. Iris and Isabelle were quietly escorted from the house and taken back to the residence. Their mother went ballistic on them. They got a serious verbal lashing and were put on punishment until the end of the Administration. The girls didn’t know if she was serious but for the time being there was no TV, no music, and no after school activities. If they felt they were prisoners and needed to escape, as Iris so eloquently put it, Nancy would treat them as they acted.

“Good evening girls.” Nancy sat at the table.

Isabelle’s greeting was amiable enough but Iris said nothing. She was so damn defiant…Nancy suddenly knew what her mother went through with her.

“I've been thinking for the past several days and have come to a few decisions. Obviously you two aren’t happy and that bothers me. I only want to do what's best for you.”

Isabelle picked at her spaghetti as her sister finally spoke up.

“Our lives have never been normal…you're famous. I mean, not Halle Berry famous but people know you and we’ve always had Secret Service protection. This is just too much.”

“How do you feel Izzy?”

“It was dumb to sneak out, though easier than I thought it would be. We just want to be ourselves and hang out with our friends.”

“I know, but the rules are in place for your safety. No one wants to stifle you.”

“You promised to tell the Gestapo to lighten up.” Iris said.

“Why would I do that when my daughter is becoming a mastermind in defying the rules and escaping her detail?”

“Mom…”

“What if something would have happened Iris?” Nancy asked. “Not worse case scenario, but something serious? What would you have done?”

“Pressed the panic button.” Izzy replied.

“Yeah, except the Secret Service is not there because they think you are in bed. Look, I have come to a few decisions and I want to run them by you.”

“Do any of these decisions involve me getting my IPod back?” Iris asked.

“Don’t press your luck with me little girl; I am so angry at you. I know that none of us seem to be happy with the current situation. Here is what I propose. You can stay here with me, under Secret Service protection, which is sometimes going to be heavy. You can go to California and stay with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Grace. There is a great day school out there.”

“Secret Service?” Iris asked.

“Of course, but the situation is a bit different. It is a new environment where people don’t know you through your mother. Your Uncle and Aunt would be glad to have you. The third option is Hotchkiss.”

“Boarding school?” Izzy’s eyes went wide.

“Yes. It is in Connecticut and it is coed. So you would be able to interact with both boys and girls your age with similar interests. I attended the school when there were about three African-American kids there, now its 28%. You would have free reign on the 500-acre campus. The Secret Service would still be there but the school is quite secure and not just anyone can walk around campus.”

“The illusion of freedom.” Iris replied.

“You are 12 years old, though you seem to be going on 25. How much freedom do you think I am going to give you Iris, as a responsible parent?”

“Don't send us away mom.” Izzy said. “I'm staying here. Can you just tell me how long this punishment is going to last?”

“Indefinitely. Iris?”

“I would like some time to think about it.”

“Fair enough. I love you both very much and your happiness is important. But you are not going to run afoul of me and make up the rules as you go along…it’s unacceptable. I have to go back to the Oval Office.”

“Mom, if I stay can I have my IPod back?”

“Iris, eat your dinner. When I get back I want to see homework.”

“Yes ma'am.”

***

Mallory poured Agent Casper a cup of coffee and left him and Leo in the den. In the wake of all that happened, Leo sent his younger children away with their nanny. He told them that their mother had to go away for work and she would be back as soon as she could be. Mallory dropped everything to come and care for her father since he would not let Charlie stay. There was work to be done at the White House and with both he and CJ gone, Nancy needed all the extra help. 

Leo was keeping his friends at arm’s length, suffering alone. Just that afternoon, more graphic photos of his wife arrived in his inbox, including one that seemed to depict her being raped. The message read ‘Time’s almost up; the light of your life is fading.’ She was battered and bruised; her eyes still covered with a dirty blindfold. The photos disturbed Leo so much that Mallory gave him something to help him sleep as she called the FBI. He had only been awake a half hour when Mike Casper arrived.

“I know this is a dumb question but how are you holding up?”

Mallory came through once more, taking the cigarette from between her father’s lips and the pack from the coffee table. He had smoked too much these past four days…she was very concerned about his health. Another heart attack would surely kill him. What would happen to her brother and sister if they lost both of their parents? She never said too many nice things about CJ since Leo married her seven years ago, but thinking about what could be happening to her right now made Mallory ill. It also made her realize how deep her father’s love was for his wife. She wanted to take all the negative things back.

“I made it another day.” Leo replied. “All I care about is getting my wife back and your colleagues don’t seem to know a damn thing.”

“I read in the file that they found the van.”

“Burnt to a crisp in a drug infested lot in Baltimore. There was not a drop of physical evidence. They are right back where they started.”

“A license plate could lead to a name. Leo, I cannot pretend to know what you are going through but…”

“What do you need Mike? If this is going to help CJ then I am at your disposal. You wouldn’t happen to smoke, would you?”

“Yes sir, I do but I am not giving you a cigarette. My wife is a redhead and I know their tempers. Leo, do you remember a political corruption case in Miami in 1990? The DNC sent you with a team down there to get to the bottom of it.”

“I remember the assignment but not much of the trip. I was very into drinking and drugs then…I was almost at rock bottom.”

“Does the name Armando Silva ring a bell? Or Dale Beecher?”

“Beecher was a Congressman in the Florida 02. He was waist deep in a plethora of illegal activities. He also had a penchant for cocaine that got him in a lot of trouble. He died I think, no he was murdered before he could testify in a drug and corruption trial. Someone was very afraid of what he might say. Why are you asking me about this? It was another lifetime.”

Mike told him the story that Kate Harper told him that morning. Most of the day was spent putting the pieces together. Though he was no closer to solving the why of the poisonings, he was almost positive Silva was responsible. He was most likely also behind the disappearance of CJ McGarry, though it brought authorities no closer to finding her. Hector Diaz was the key…the FBI needed to locate him and sweat the plan out of him. Mike Casper hoped to do that before CJ was murdered. He knew all about the pictures emailed that afternoon.

“You are sitting here telling me that someone I don’t even know blames me for his wife’s death and took my wife as revenge.”

“That’s what it’s looking like right now.”

“I don’t even know him!” Leo exclaimed.

“You cracked the corruption case. A lot of people went to federal prison, some were murdered…Silva lost his wife and his livelihood. Don’t believe that I think you responsible. I'm just telling you what we know. It doesn’t have to make sense to be right.”

“Have you found Silva?”

“No.” Mike shook his head.

“So you don’t have a damn thing?”

“We have names, we have motives, and we have last knowns. I want to promise you that we will find CJ in time but I cannot do that.”

“You just find those bastards Mike, and bring me back my wife. I don’t need your promises; I need results.”

Mike nodded. He left soon after and Leo sat on the couch staring into space. He barely remembered Miami but the results of his actions there were going to cost him everything. If Silva killed CJ he knew he would cease to breathe. He had to find her in time.

***

“You can't sleep either.”

Toby came into the living room and sat on the couch with his wife. Nora was curled under a blanket, smoking a cigarette and nursing what appeared to be a gin and tonic. It was almost 3am; the rain that had plagued the city for the past several days was tapering off. The condo was so quiet…neither Nicky nor baby Julie woke up as they usually did in the middle of the night. Nora wished she had the distraction. 

She missed CJ so much and did not know if they would ever see each other again. They weren’t even supposed to be here…their dues were paid. Years of hard work and personal sacrifice were their White House years. No one deserved to be kidnapped, tortured and murdered, least of all CJ McGarry. This was DC for Christ’s sake, not Beirut.

“I have to go to the White House everyday like it is all alright. It is not even close to being alright.”

“No, its not.”

Toby didn’t talk about CJ’s disappearance. There was a sadness and anger in him that was very hard to control. For the past five days since she didn’t come home from work, Toby walked through life like an automaton. He didn’t laugh, or smile; he didn’t even yell at people. His light dimmed with each passing day and Nora feared not only losing her best friend, but her husband. Her fear was palpable.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“OK. I'm not sleeping much but I'm OK. Nora…”

He stopped and she looked at him.

“Just talk to me.” she said. “Say whatever you need to say.”

“I'm scared that some madman is going to kill CJ. I'm scared that her death will destroy me. I don’t…I need you to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“That how much I love her does not negate how much I love you. I don’t want you to think…”

“Stop.” She reached out and touched his thigh. “First of all, I am not going to let you give up hope. I pray every single day for her safe return. Until we know different, that is what we hold onto, OK?”

“Yeah.”

“Toby, I'm being serious.”

“I know. I'm trying. Leo isn’t telling me what’s going on anymore. He can't possibly think that he’s grieving anymore than the rest of us.”

“She is his wife; they spent everyday of the last seven years together. She birthed two of his children. You cannot compare his experience to your own, it’s not fair. I wish he wasn’t pushing us away too but it’s certainly understandable. The FBI thinks they know who is responsible. Please don’t give up hope.”

Toby pulled her to him, burying his face in the crook of Nora’s neck. Just the way she smelled was a comfort to him. He loved her completely but had something with CJ that went beyond that…he could not even put it into words. Toby Ziegler was speechless, what the hell was that? Maybe if he could find the words to express himself the heaviness would leave his body. His brain might not have to work so hard just to put one foot in front of the other. His greatest fear was that once he unleashed the rage there would be no way to control the fallout. It was his fear and anger that kept him going; got him out of bed every morning. If he let go of it Toby was sure there would be nothing left. He was sure he wouldn’t survive.

***

Leo dialed the number, sitting back on the couch. He lived in that one room for almost a week. Everything else reminded him too much of his wife. Her photos, her clothes, her decorations; the smell of her permeated the walls. If he could go and stay at a hotel then he would but he was under heavy Secret Service protection. He did not need protection, CJ did, and he failed her. Whether she was found dead or alive he would never forgive himself for his part in what happened to her.

“Hello.”

“Hi. I didn’t want to call but…”

“Don’t be silly Leo. I've watched the news coverage. Are they any closer to finding her?”

“No. This is all my fault…my past is the cause of this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Some stupid 1990 Florida corruption case led to the murder of a kingpin’s wife. He blames me.”

“Jesus, I don’t know what to say. You know my heart goes out to you and I am praying for CJ.”

“What am I going to do if she doesn’t come home?”

“Don’t ask me that. You shouldn’t even be thinking about that.”

“Everyone tells me not to give up John. Everyone wants to hug me and make me feel better. How the hell am I supposed to feel better?”

“A drink is not going to help if that’s what you're thinking. CJ would be so angry with you.”

“Don’t say that to me. Let some lunatic snatch Susanne off a public street and then say that. Let the greatest investigative force in the country tell you they have nothing and then say that.”

“And you think getting blitzed is going to be helpful? Just tell me how and I won't talk you out of it. How is breaking almost a decade of sobriety going to make you feel better?”

“I don’t want to feel better…I don’t want to fell anything. Mallory took my cigarettes. She thinks I am smoking too much.”

“I'm sure you are.” John replied. “How are you feeling Leo, physically? Are you ignoring pains? Are you sleeping at all?”

“John, you are my sponsor, not my doctor.”

“You need to see your doctor. Leo, you have to stay as healthy as you can. Is Mallory still there?”

“I am not letting you talk to her…you two are not putting me in the hospital. I'm fine. Except I need a cigarette and a glass of scotch.”

“Maybe I’ll just come over and we’ll talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.” Leo mumbled.

“You do want to talk, it’s why you called. Just let me come over for a while. I don’t know what I can do…I can sit with you. Leo, how long do you think the Clint Eastwood, go it on your own routine is going to hold up?”

“I know about you and CJ.”

John was silent for a few minutes. Leo heard him take a deep breath.

“There was no me and CJ. It was one night a long time ago and it has nothing to do with this. We were virtual strangers then. Despite everything, I consider her a friend and you too Leo.”

“I'm sorry John. Jesus, I don’t know what made me bring that up.”

“Forget it; you have a lot on your mind. Look, I don’t care if we play backgammon but you are not going to be alone anymore.”

“Even if I say no you are going to come anyway so what is the use of fighting.”

“That’s the spirit. I can be there in a half hour. Let the Secret Service know I'm coming…I don’t want to end up on my back with 12 guns in my face.”

“Yeah. Thank you John.”

“For what? I'm your sponsor; I'm doing what was done for me too many times to count.”

Leo hung up the phone, running his fingers through his hair. He was at the end of a cliff, dirt and rock crumbling beneath his feet. He knew where his wife kept her liquor; he could easily pour himself something and start the process of forgetting. But he didn’t want to forget her. He wanted to remember CJ in his mind…keep her in the forefront of his thoughts. His hope and love were keeping her alive, Leo truly believed that. If he let that slip away with the liquor, she would slip away too.

***


End file.
